By Juliana Francis
Women are such freaky weird creatures.
Whenever two or more of them are sitting together, you can wager your pay cheque that they are discussing guys.
I’ve heard all sorts of discussions pertaining to men, but heck, I had never heard an argument about who owns the penis? I mean, it seems to have an obvious answer.
Does it belong to the guy, his wife, or his mistress?
Well, that was the argument I walked into.
Some ladies stupidly believed that the mistress or wife cutting off her guy’s manhood in a moment of insane jealousy or blind rage meant she was staking a claim.
To them, it was symbolic of something. To me, it symbolises sheer madness!
I mean, if you cut off his joystick, what do you stand to gain?
Killing your spouse by cutting off his manhood is not the way to show him or the world that he belongs to you.
A good number of women have cut off their guy’s sugar stick because he is a womaniser.
I sincerely believe that such women are sick upstairs. There’s no other explanation!
Cutting off your guy’s manhood means there wouldn’t be any more joy in your home and life. Your woman’s core is not going to be getting any more sugar, no matter how rare the sugar used to come your way before.
Worst, he could die! Is that what you want?
You’d end up in prison.
If you have a womanising husband or lover, and you’re apparently sick and tired of seeking spiritual intervention, divorce him!
It’s better you divorce or walks away than kill him.
The argument and debate over whom the boobs belong to are not the same as the penis.
Whether you like it or not, the penis belongs to its owner!
Yes, the man whom God has endowed with it. He’s the owner of the two linesmen and a referee.
Thus, he can jolly well do whatsoever he likes with it!
If you’re a housewife and you’re living under the illusion that it belongs to you, you’re hallucinating!
We have some husbands’ who are simply responsible. Such men are out of this world. Once they are married, they keep to their wives. For such men, it’s the one-man-one-woman affair.
For such men, their John Thomas (JT) belongs solely and absolutely to their wives.
Yes, I agree with you. Such men are rare and far in between.
You’d think that men who claim to be born Christians would reserve their sugar canes for their wives, but na lie!
If they’re not balling the choristers, they’re banging the ushers. If they are not doing it in church, then it’s probably at their workplaces.
I told you guys about a Reverend that’s troubling me. An old woman likes me farrr!
A whole Reverend, can you just beat that?
Even after I pretended to be daft to his intention and overtures, he still had the gall to spell it out to me.
God, I was pissed big time. Sicko Reverend!
A man, who reserves his manhood solely for his wife probably loves her and wishes to be faithful to her. In this instance, it means the penis belongs to the woman.
The owner of the penis goes out and comes in with it every day, 24/7. It means he can do whatever he likes with it.
I definitely know how a woman can get possessive about such a thing.
I do feel particularly possessive about penis ohh!
No matter how hard I try, I can’t help being jealous and possessive. It’s my nature I guess. It’s part of my makeup.
I mean, if my body, including my honey-well, belongs to my husband’s, then why shouldn’t his sugar cane be solely mine?
A good question: That’s how it should be. But like my friend Mrs. Appolonia Adeyemi used to say, “make person no go die of BP because of man matter.”
If you keep fighting over being the sole owner of your guy’s penis, you’d end up giving yourself high blood pressure.
I strongly believe that what God has designed and prepared for you, can’t ever be taken away.
It’s true we have so many daughters of Jezebel prowling around, seeking men to devour, but do keep the faith.
While the argument raged on, I gave them my summation of what my friend Kubura said about ownership of the penis.
She said: “Whenever my husband leaves home every morning to office, I said to him, your manhood belongs to them. Whenever he comes home, his manhood belongs to me!”
This is the system she has adopted in order to stay alive and keep the faith.
Incidentally, her husband left her for another lady. I knew it would happen someday. The guy was too good-looking for his own good.
He’s damn good-looking but broke. I knew it was only a matter of time before a woman, any woman ensnares him with money and gifts.
He abandoned his wife and kids but later returned home with his tail between his legs.
Like the biblical prodigal husband, abi na son?
Some men are just idiots!
And Kubura welcomed him back home with open arms.
Yeah, that’s marriage. It sucks sometimes. Today, she would tell you, that her husband left his penis to another woman, but later returned to her.
She said for those months that he stayed with the other woman; his sugar stick belonged to the lady. The moment he walked back to her, his penis becomes her own. Her reasoning may sound warped to some people, but it’s a system to keep herself sane.
Perhaps you don’t know it, but if you don’t have a shock absorber, your spouse could send you round the bend.
While some women keep their blood pressure high by monitoring whom their husbands are balling, I’d suggest you embrace Kubura’s view on how to maintain one’s sanity in marriage.
Two weeks ago, I encountered a young lady who used to pick up her husband’s phone, to send nasty text messages to all his female contacts.
Most times she would call them names, including ‘ashawo’ and ‘husband snatcher.’
I heard she’s a master’ Degree Holder and I laughed. I told people that she was a stark illiterate who would soon die! The story should be for next time.
I need to sleep now. I’m tired and need to wake up on time tomorrow.
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