cropped mom 2

The letter from a fan below…

“Husbands ball their wives in their homes with children and neighbours knowing what is going on, why should a single mother’s own be different? Technology has brought sex topic to children. They know what is happening. He who pays the piper dictates the tune. The man friend of a single mother pays the bill-rent, children school fees, support allowance etc.

“The only place to bang her is her home! It is more dignifying to drill the dark tunnel of a single mother in her home, than to be hopping from one hotel to the other. It is proof of total acceptance of a near permanent relationship by all parties, children inclusive.

“It is a further proof that the relationship is not casual. Most single mothers are concubines of married men. These men will not want to be seen in the red-light districts; hence they settle for the homes of single mothers to lick their honey pots. They are also seen as stepfathers by the children. What a single mother needs to do is educate her children. 

“To let them know that whatever she does is in their own interest and for their survival. It is better to have them educated and be well fed than to be social miscreants, hawkers, and criminals. We should not discriminate; banging is banging, whether married or single mother. It is sweeter if it is done at home.”


The sender is Mr. Dotun.

You had me almost convinced, but there are too many things wrong with your argument.

True, banging is banging, but there should be exceptions in taking kids’ interests, and feelings to heart.

I have absolutely nothing against sex education, but what do you mean by the mother having to educate them?  Educate them by saying, “Hey guys, gather around I have something to say…Alhaji is my lover and I’m balling him because of you guys! Yeah, I want the best for you all…I want you to feed well and not end up being miscreants, criminals, hawkers…”

I mean, what the heck kind of education are you talking about? How do you think a child will feel when her /his mother explains that she’s literarily selling her body because of them?

I know of a single mother with a 15-year-old son. The woman used to change lovers like there’s no tomorrow. The boy is now a terror in the community, living like he doesn’t care about his life. Yet the mother felt she was giving him the best of life. You wouldn’t even believe that people in the area used to address his mother as Ashawo in his presence whenever there was a quarrel.

You know kids; they know where to hit hardest. This boy also has a penchant for fighting all his mother’s lovers.

What do you think went wrong? Was he born to be headstrong and disrespectful?

Now, the part I love about your mail is your argument that the man pays the bills, which naturally gives him license to bang her at home, not minding the impact of the act on the kids or their feelings.

If the guy is paying for virtually everything, why the heck didn’t he just marry her? I mean, he’s banging her every day, paying rent, school fees and lord knows what else…so what’s stopping him from making her an honest woman?

Whether you like it or not, the way kids feel about a guy they call their mother’s husband, is different from one that is their mother’s lover. They know that marriage is sanctioned, approved so to say.

They also know that a mother bringing men home, banging them in their home for crying out loud, is not too good. Even if they don’t know, other kids will tell them!

It is this type of your argument that often makes some men end up impregnating the woman’s teenage daughter.

The argument is that the kids should brace up and get used to seeing mother balls a man, who is not their father.

The girl-child begins to feel: “After all, mummy used to do it with him, why can’t I.”

And after he bangs the girl, he stuffs a wand of naira notes into her hands. Such affairs are often never known until they are caught in the act, or the girl gets pregnant.

I also hate the fact that Dotun seems to think that most single mothers must have lovers to be able to take care of their kids.

Let me tell you now, that a lot of women are educated and are doing well in their chosen professions and careers. They can even afford to send their kids to the best schools.

There are a lot of single mothers out there who take lovers because they genuinely love the guy and not because they see them as an instrument for the survival of their children.

Single mothers need love like any other woman out there!

Let me also tell you that most single mothers are young women, who deserve a second chance at happiness. Young ladies who could and can date and marry single men.

It’s myopic to say that most of their lovers are married men. Nonsense!

I don’t particularly like hotels…I know that there are also women who don’t fancy banging in hotels.

This is why I think any balling should be done in the guy’s home.  Just because you’re picking her bills, doesn’t make it right to bang her in her room, while her children listen.

If a single mother, however, decides to date a married man, it means she may not be interested in marrying him or wants to be a second wife.

This brings me back to the changing of lovers, which is not too good for growing children to witness. This can contribute to moral laxity in children.

But for those dating married men, whether we like it or not, the best bet…now this is my opinion…I’m not shoving it down anybody’s throat…whether we like it or not, a nice hotel is the best alternative.

There you get to relax, discuss, and will not fidget and worry that one of the kids can walk in or bang on the door.

I personally hate distractions during sex. To me, sex is a ritual; to be savoured to its full limit and should be given the maximum attention.

Most importantly, you still have your kid’s respect. When you sit them down to advise or educate them on sexual and moral issues, they listen and will not question or wonder why you apply the double standard.

I tried once to tell my son, never to use words like, “You’re mad or crazy.”

Looking very confused, he said, “But mummy, you use to say it.”

I rest my case.

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