cropped love



There’s no better way to say or explain it than to use Yoruba to say…Idi Jee!

It’s a Yoruba phrase… connoting something like “sex has taken it all…” or “sex had taken care of it.”


I’ve tried to think and come up with the English equivalent and failed miserably.


Let me quickly give you a scenario that will better make you understand what I’m trying to say.


When she met him, it was love at first sight for her. She didn’t know if it was the same for him. There was this tentative, yet elusive idea-elusive because no concrete agreement was reached- that they’d get married someday soon.

Yeah! more like till thy kingdom come!


Perhaps the idea stemmed from her over-imaginative ones… who really can say with babes that are miserably in love.

You know how it is…many of them are full of imaginations of a happy ever after and who can blame them for thinking the current guy was finally the Prince Charming?


Many ladies wake up from their sleeping beauty slumber to realise that the supposed Prince Charming was the Dragon in the love story.

Life is not a fairy tale. And love burns more often than it makes happy, depending on how you handle it.


Anyway, they had lived together for more than eight years, when she finally started clamouring to be made an honest woman.

Troubles upon problems began to rear their heads in the once happy relationship. Before one could say, Jack Robison, he had turned her into a punching bag.


She initially wanted to brave out the stormy sea…for what I wondered. Why can’t ladies realise and walk away when the castle in the air begins to tumble to the concrete floor?

Forget pride…eat shit…but walk out alive with your head held high!


Against all odds, she decided to leave. But guess what?

The guy wouldn’t let her walk out of the relationship without her first returning the handset he bought her when the going was smooth and good.


Bastard you say. My sentiment exactly!


And the worse tin be say, na ordinary Nokia, no bi BlackBerry or iPod or other nice sophisticated phones.


Eight years of a guy browsing her website without paying a dime for airtime, and yet he had the gut to be demanding the return of a lousy phone he bought her.


Can you just beat that?


This means naturally that if he had bought her some other things…like Hummer jeep…Ha! Ha! Ha!

And pigs can fly!

Person wey wan die because of ordinary Nokia, na Hummer Jeep him fit buy?


Tell me, how cheap and petty can a guy get?  How then will he be able to return all the sex she had given him…left, centre, and forward in the past eight years?


How does one calculate and quantify it?  How does one pay for it?


Idi Jee is when a guy decides to let her walk away and forget about all the gifts…money he had spent on her during the relationship.


Idi Jee is when the guy remembers that she gave as much as she got in the relationship. It is when a guy realises that he banged a lady while they were dating and whatever he bought her goes with her whenever the relationship ends.


When she first told me, I was shocked at my bone marrow. But I later heard enough from people to realise that there are a lot of guys that collected things they had bought for their lovers’ when the going was good.


Terrible, I tell you!


This buttressed the fact that some guys are myopic in their reasoning.

What are you collecting those items for? To give it to your new babe, wife?

What reasonable and sensible lady would want another woman’s left over?


Not me!


Nobi Juliana Francis! If na swear I dodge am!


Whatever you buy for a babe while you’re dating her should go into an account for, ‘bad market,’ or ‘Idi Jee.”


It was given and taken when the going was good, and demanding such items makes you a mere boy and not a man.


We have men that are boys and boys that are men. Have you discovered the category you fall into it?

Just because you’re in your thirties, doesn’t automatically make you a man.


Haven’t you heard people having a conversation and you heard words likes, “I tell you, that guy is a real man.”


It’s also just like a babe going into a room to have sex with a guy and she comes out to say, ‘ Ha! That one no bi man O!…na okobo!’  It means he couldn’t perform.


But if she has a secret smile, suffusing her face and says, ‘my sister, that bobo na real man in every sense of the word,’ it means the guy satisfied her big time.

What is sex without satisfaction?


A real man is one who walks away and allows her to go with all the gifts, no matter how expensive they were.

I mean, he had already taken everything that was of value from her. She was not a prostitute, so I know damn well that giving her body to the guy must have been one hell of a journey on self-conviction.

Do you think it’s so easy to have sex with a guy? You’re mistaken.


A babe weighs the pro and co of such a decision.  Sometimes she wishes she could have a crystal ball to know where the relationship would lead or end.


No lady wants her heart to be broken…neither does she wish to be dumped and made to feel like a whore after she had given her body and heart to a guy.


Of course, I agree with you. There are different kinds of babes. To some, sex is such a cheap commodity, no big deal to give it to Dick, Tom, and Harry.

But was she that kind of girl?


You’ve had a girl as your lover for two or three years, what has she got to show for those years?

Now it is all over and yet you want to collect the phone, jewelry, car, or something else you bought for her.

Jeez, give me a break! Is this guy real?


You once treated her like a queen…nobody is to be blamed when a love affair comes to an end…when the love songs playing on the CD stop and a new one begins to play.

The track changes from, “Tonight I celebrate my love for you,” to “It must have been love, but it’s over now.”


This is a fact of life and relationship. Not all miraculously end in marriage. But if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, and it’s time to part ways at the end of the road…and both of you have realised that going on bended knees, either way, wouldn’t help… please don’t rub it in by asking for those silly things you bought for her or him.


I’ve had this same argument with two of my male colleagues; one agreed with me that it was petty and immature behaviour.

The one that agreed with me asked the same question I had earlier asked. “If the guy collects the items, he had earlier bought from her, how does he return the sex she had given him all the while they were in the relationship?”

Yes…is somebody saying something…I can’t hear…hello people?

No answer I bet!


The stupid man collected the lousy phone he bought her when there are men who had bought jeep cars for babes…built houses for them.


And yes, when it’s all over, they walk away without battling to retrieve those items. Those are the ones we call men! Take that to the bank!


I view a guy who does that as mean, petty, and wicked. He’s no different from the guy I told you guys about some weeks back…the guy who banged a prostitute throughout the night and refused to pay.


You must realie that sometimes when a love affair ends, most ladies are not happy… especially if they were madly in love or the guy had been nice to them. Some men are not nice to ladies. They treat them like dirt, and it never ceases to puzzle me why some babes remain in such a relationship.


I guess such babes are suckers for maltreatment!


And if she’s in love and she’s apparently unhappy at the turn of the event, you’d simply be turning the knife in the open wound by asking her to return the items you bought for her.


I wondered if this means that some men will even ask her to return the G-string pants, they bought for her.

I was discussing with a friend about a certain guy who divorced his wife and ended up exchanging fisticuffs with her because he wanted to retrieve the key to the car, he bought her when they were happily married.


I don’t believe in that happily married stuff. You can be happy period… but happily married connotes a system or an idea where a wife or husband is smiling like a fool 24 hours…and we know that marriage is not love, love, happiness, happy all the time.


I was telling a friend yesterday that marriage needs more than love to succeed. It needs tolerance more than anything to work out!


If there are couples who are happy 24 hours in their marriage, (24 hours does not mean, a day in this context), it means they are not being sincere about their feelings for each other.

A normal marriage is one where the couple argues, quarrels, and makes up. It’s one where the couple is so vexed that they could embark on cold war.’


It’s one where making-up leads unmistakably to the bedroom.


To continue…



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