Ha! Ha! Ha! So you don’t know who Mr ATM is?
Well, don’t bother your pretty head trying to decipher or decode my meaning.
Please give me the honour to explain.
If you’re married and banging another babe, then you’re Mr ATM!
What are you good for; not good enough in bed for her. You’re only good because of your money!
Yes O, you’re nothing but a money-dispensing machine! Take that to the bank!
Do you think she smiles like a fool every time she sees you because you’re Mr. wonderful or what?
Na all lies! You’re not wonderful. You’re her number one mugu!
Yes O! Go and ask if any is happening babe these days. Their married lovers are no longer called mugu, but ATM!
Check their phones, you’ll see mugu one, mugu two.
Those are the fools filling their bank accounts with money.

Yes O! These happening babes now call these men “my ATM.”

Are you an ATM too? You know you’re!
As far as some of these babes are concerned, these men are no good for them, if not for their money.

What good is a married man to a single girl anyway? Can he bang better than her boyfriend who’s still playing the field?
I don’t think so, but of course, we can debate it! Don’t go fooling yourself that she’s nuts over you or that she’s a die-hard for your sugar stick. Na lies!
You’re as good as the last dough you gave to her. No dough, no love!
Try out my theory and see how long you’d last in her bed! Not for long, that’s for sure.
Some of these married men are even monkeys in bed, but the babe allows him to feel like a superstar because of the dough she wants to collect from him.
Yes, I’m pretty angry!
When something is wrong, we should be able to say it’s bad, even though we can’t help ourselves.
Extra-marital affairs are not right, and there is no reason to justify them.
But you know that there are idiots out, men who can’t help themselves where anything in a skirt is concerned.
Ha! Same goes for some women! Women who go weak and get all wet at the sight of bulging manhood, mirrored out in a tight-fitting pair of trousers.

These are women who swoon with desire at the sight of bulging biceps, at the sight of sinews-covered arms, at the sight of a muscular arse!
I feel for their helplessness, but that does not mean it is right.
I was telling my friend, Olowokere, this same thing. It was his idea of trying to make wrong seem right, to justify men having affairs that got me so pissed!
I went to his office and met this woman complaining about her husband.

Was it really a complaint? I don’t think so. It was more of an observation, stating the obvious like she was used to her husband’s philandering and had resigned herself to it. Poor woman!
I later heard that her husband was one of those men, who have a ball that can take on 11 players and the goalkeeper!
Anything in a skirt goes for him.
There’s no class, no discrimination. To him, a hole is a hole! A bad case!
When she left, Olowokere and I naturally started to talk about her situation.
I told him I didn’t like her stance; this attitude was like the world had come to an end like there was nothing anymore in life to look forward to, to be happy about.
Listen sisters out there, if your marriage sucks, it’s up to you to make yourself happy.
Stop deluding yourself that your happiness is with a husband who doesn’t give a fig about you. Okay?
I told him that 95 per cent of married men have mistresses, and lovers, so why give yourself stomachache over that? Some men flaunt it, some hide it, but somehow, the wife always gets to know.
The terrible thing about such affairs and knowledge of it is that it can never be erased from memory, no matter how apologetic, or remorseful, the guy/babe later turned out to be.

It can crack and crash the strongest marriage foundation.
Why, some women know their husbands’ mistresses’ names. Yes, it’s as bad as that in some homes!
Why, my girlfriend told me the other that she was forced to be rude to her husband’s mistress because the babe called her husband at home.
The guy works in Ibadan and on rare occasions comes home for the weekends.

It was on one of those rare occasions that the mistress called him at home.
Person wey just reach his house…person wey she dey with since weeks…yeye babe…she no even wan him to go see wife abi?
He was not in the sitting room. The phone was ringing forever.
My friend picked up -the phone and saw the name. It was her!
You know that the housewives’ always call the side-chick ‘her,’ with a sneer.

I don’t know why they do. Whether you call her by her name or not, the fact is that she’s in your husband’s life and bed.

Refusing to address her by name wouldn’t erase the relationship or make her to disappear!

Apparently furious that the girl wouldn’t allow him time with his family, my friend picked up the call and yelled.
Kai! I’ve forgotten the name of the babe O!
Oh! It’s like I’m beginning to lose my touch…how can I forget such a piece of important information?

Anyway, she yelled the girl’s name and told her in no uncertain terms to wait until her husband’s returned to Ibadan before telling him whatever she had to tell him. She asked her to allow him to -spend the weekend with them in peace.
Ehhhh…if na me…if na me…the babe go know say khaki no be leather!
To me, it was as me my friend was begging. Let’s face the truth…you can lose your man if you don’t beg some of them.

They don’t want him, yet they don’t want the wife to have him. He’s their ATM. Before some of them allow such men to go, they would have to get a new ATM.
So I told Olowokere that many wives know their husbands’ side-chick names. A sad development, but true. Nobody seems to give a shit about the sanctity of marriage anymore.
But my friend’s husband’s situation is a clear case of being a Mr. ATM.
How do I know?
He doesn’t drop a dime for housekeeping for his wife whenever he bothers to drag his sorry arse home.

My friend pays every bill you can think of…na marriage be that?
Every dime he makes, all his salaries, goes to the up-keeping of his side-chick in Ibadan.
Did you it’s juju? I don’t know!

But if na juju, make the thing hold am wella!
I’ve always said it…will continue to argue it…juju can’t catch you except you go sniffing after another babe’s honey well, other than your wife’s!
Juju wan fly for air catch you?
As we were discussing, Olowokere tried to justify extra-marital affairs from a guy’s angle.

Look for part 2 of the article to know the conclusion

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