By Juliana Francis

I have never been able to understand why some women prefer the sugar candies of their friends’ husbands.

I mean, is it any different from that of their husbands or guys?

Listen, I know there are different shapes and sizes of candy bars, but do their pleasure really differ?

I grudgingly accept that some men seem to know how to pleasure babes with their candy bars and make them beg for more, while some are just monkeys.

But the difference here is simply usage or should I say expertise?

Yeah, sad really, some men are perfectly endowed but lack the sophistication of knowing how to use that natural endowment to make a babe weep in ecstasy.

A waste I tell you!

What the heck is the essence of having a lovely, powerful, vein-studded candy bar when you don’t know how to adroitly deploy it to elicit maximum pleasure?

While some men have the knack of taking a babe beyond the pearly gates of heaven, forcing them to see white-winged angels as pleasure mounts and holy water ready to burst forth, other guys make you want to yell, “Remove it! Remove it!”

Oops, sorry, I’m digressing.

The truth about today’s discussion is my disgust with some women, who crave the forbidden.

I know what you’re going to say! Yeah, go ahead and say it. I won’t mind.

Ha! Are you satisfied now?

She said that forbidden things taste sweeter. Do you agree with her?

Even down to your friend’s hubby’s sugar stick?

If it were to be just for the fun of banging, or an ego trip to show you can bang your friend’s man, I will understand, but I don’t have to like it.

But many of these babes, not only bang their friends’ husbands silly, making the poor sod dizzy, but they most times, send their friends out of the matrimonial home and take centre stage.

They throw shame and morale to the dogs!

But again, I must say that some women are just too foolish. They have fish brains, where normal, human working, functioning brains ought to be!

They wash their dirty linens in public…nay; they wash their dirty linens before their friends.

I prefer the latter because the former sounds like she’s talking to a crowd of people, instead of just a friend or two.

When you talk about your sour relationship with your husband to your friends, be mindful that many of them had likely been praying to be in your position.

They are green with envy about you, but they won’t let you on this. These are most likely going to be the serpent in your paradise.

They are the snakes that give advice which won’t augur well for your relationship.

So when you go blabbing your mouth like a bird that had eaten too much pepper, be mindful of the fact that one can never tell the mind’s construction from the face.

Let me quickly tell you the story of Iya Rotimi and Baba Rotimi. True life story, cross my heart and hope to die!

Baba Rotimi met and fell in love with Iya Rotimi in a brothel. And before you ask the obvious question, let me save you the effort…yes, she was a prostitute!

You looked shocked, why?

Haba! You’re a narrow-minded! What is wrong in marrying a prostitute as long as she desists from the trade after getting married?

Just because a woman was a former prostitute, does not mean she won’t make a good mom or wife.

Several women from good homes have turned to prostitutes right under their husbands’ noses.

Baba Rotimi listened to her heart rendering story of how she became a call girl.

After banging her left, centre and forward as a client, he fell for her physical and bedmantic charms. Maybe other qualities?

You could have knocked her out with a feather when the smitten man proposed. The young man was not just handsome, he was loaded.

Well, not as rich as…who? Think of somebody and fix his or her name in the blank.  The point however is that he was financially okay.

He took her out of the gutters, bathed and married her. She had three children for him. You had thought Iya Rotimi would have been satisfied, but she was just like any other woman; jealous and possessive.

My thing is this; if you don’t want to die of cardiac arrest on time when your man leaves home, just tell yourself that his penis had become, “Their own or our own,” but when he returns home from the office, his sugar stick becomes, “my own.”

Nobody likes her guy to cheat on her, especially with all these dreadful sexually transmitted diseases roaming about the streets, seeking whom to devour.

But hey, you got to deal with it someday. Whether you like it or not, shit does happen!

Iya Rotimi didn’t deploy this shock absolver strategy into her relationship. She was angry that Baba Rotimi’s weakness was becoming uncontrollable.

The man has a weakness for any animal on two legs and wearing a skirt. And he had not been taking care of his wife and children.

She spewed her anger and frustration to her best friend, who is a Ghanaian.  The friend told her that Baba Rotimi was taking her for granted because he always had somebody who would cook and wait on him.

What to do, asked the stupid Iya Rotimi. Move out of his house for three months and he would learn to appreciate and know your worth, he would even come crawling, begging you to come home, replied the best friend.

One day, Iya Rotimi packed out of her husband’s home, taking the three kids with her. Nobody knew where she had disappeared to, the husband even tried to look for her, but nothing.

It was not up to a month that she moved out that a neighbour sighted her one day and asked her where the heck she had been since everyone had been looking for her.

The good neighbour told her that her best friend had taken over her home. Iya Rotimi said it was a lie. She went to her matrimonial home to verify and sure enough, her best friend had taken on the role of a wife.

There was a big fight. Both said vile things to each other. The best friend told Iya Rotimi that she complained too much about her husband and clearly did not know how to take care of a man or maintain a home.

She yelled: “If you can’t take care of your husband, let somebody else do it!”

The neighbours had a field day getting in between the gladiators to stop the bloodshed.

What about Baba Rotimi?

He appeared to be at his wit’s end. He couldn’t or didn’t know who to support. To cut to the chase here, the best friend refused to budge from the house.

This is a significant problem ladies; once a rival had braved the storm and arrived at the shore, it is often very difficult to dislodge that person from your fort, always remember that.

Do you want to know what became of Iya Rotimi? You wish to know how the scandal ended.

Perhaps you’re wondering what the situation is in that home right now.

Well, let me know if you are interested to know.

This is a lesson to all you women out there. If you think you have a problem, ask the next lady, wife her troubles! You’re not the only one with domestic wahala.

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