I watched and listened.

He went on and on…

Oh, how he was sick and tired of her bad cooking…

Oh, he was going to send her back to her parents’ home to learn how to cook…

He ranted and raved, appearing deranged with anger.

I couldn’t help wondering if his wife was lousy in the bedroom as she was in the kitchen.

I mean, if she can’t cook, there’s definitely something that she must have done to win her hubby’s heart and get him to put a wedding ring on her finger.


She must be a good sport in bed! She probably used to give it to him left, centre and backward!

Made him dizzy with sexual pleasures and orgasm.

I bet he wouldn’t remember or give a fig that she’s a lousy cook whenever she was balling him!

Truth be told, nobody will blame a guy if he complains about his wife being a bad report in the kitchen and then also a nightmare in the bedroom.

If I’m to guess, I will say that a lot of guys will settle for her being good in bed.

Why so many guys can cook these days…what’s the big deal with her being a bad cook?

Let her continue to make him dizzy as she winds him up in bed… puts his turgid candy bar into her warm mouth…. suckles as if her life depends on it….giggling with sheer delight and sexual power as she watches him writhe in bed under the onslaught of sexual pleasures.

Sometimes in life, you can’t have it all.

This however does not mean that she can’t come in a complete package.

A good number of ladies do come in complete packages. She can tear and attack her guy’s candy like a ferocious tigress, tantalising him with the idea that he could die from sheer pleasure and is also a master chef in the kitchen.

Men with such women are lucky.

As we have men with different faces, so we have men with unique tastes, yearnings and desires.

Some think with their stomach, others with their balls.

Men who think with their stomachs are often the types who fall prey to Calabar babes’ expertise in the kitchen.

Please if you’re a Calabar babe…guy…out there, don’t take this matter personal.

Every fool knows that Calabar babes are damn good cooks!

Woe betides any guy who has a wife, who is a terrible cook, and then he goes to taste a Calabar babe’s food.

Ah! Sorry sister, he’s a goner!

The point here is that you shouldn’t deride your wife in the presence of others because you’re now suddenly finding faults with her flaws.

There must have been something special; unique that attracted you to her.

If not the kitchen skills, then it’s probably the sex or something…perhaps her flair for dressing to kill?

If you didn’t complain about her cooking when you guys were dating, why complain and make a caricature of her now?

Naturally, the dating phase is when to know if she’s the one. The missing rib.

This should be the time to allow her access to your kitchen. Let her cooking imagination go wild. This is the time for you to sample her cooking.

It’s better to part ways when you guys were still dating than wait until you’re married.

Singing ‘end of the road’ is more difficult when you’re married and have kids.

If you’re dating a babe, don’t make it a habit of always taking her to eateries. Some guys indulge in every whim of their babes; making eateries an everyday affair.

A relationship shouldn’t be only about eating out and balling. It’s also about meaningful things in life.

For instance…Do you guys click? What’s your interest and hers? What do you guys have in common?

Personally, if you’re a babe, and your guy keeps taking you to eateries, you should be worried.

Why shouldn’t you help him save his money and cook in his home?

Of course, cooking for him or cooking in his home is not a guarantee that he will marry you.

After all, everything in life is about chances and luck. Most love affairs have 50-50 chances of leading to lovers walking down the aisle.

It’s a gamble that we all have to take.

The fact that he even took you to his mama, doesn’t mean the relationship would lead to both of you walking down the aisle.

You just got to take each day as it comes, and with a heart filled with hope.

Tomorrow is always pregnant and what it births may be beautiful for you.

If you’ve already married, this shouldn’t be the time to start making an issue over her bad cooking.

Don’t break your home because of this issue.

It’s too late.

Being a fantastic cook is not the basis of a good marriage. Marriage needs more condiments than that to be enjoyable.

If your wife can’t cook, then look for something wonderful about her and continue to love her.

A person can’t be completely bad in all aspects of her life and character.

Sometimes, we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it.

Some wives are tyrants at home and can nag their husbands to death. Terrible women!

Men with such wives dread going home after office hours. Such wives push their husbands into the arms of other women.

Some end up helping their husbands to develop emergency BP problems. If the only problem with your wife is that she’s lousy in bed or in the kitchen, there’s always a way out.

If she’s lousy in bed and you feel you’re the expert there, then teach her.

Sex is enjoyable to all and should be equal enjoyment even during the teaching and learning process.

I have also come to realise that when it comes to sex, we learn every day.

One must and shouldn’t get tired of seeking new innovations in pleasuring sexual partners.

A male friend of mine complained that anytime closing hour draws near and he remembers his wife, he fears going home.

According to him, there was no day he didn’t get home to get a report about her from somebody.

Other times she would be the one reporting somebody, who offended or fought with her.

Sometimes he would get home, rather than rest, would head to the police station to bail her over two-fighting.

And most times, when he tries to chastise her, she ends up fighting him.

He was worried she would send him to an early grave. He also thought things would get better if they move out of the public building they lived in.

Once he romanced with the idea, it took root and germinated.

He struggled and bought land at Ikorodu. He completed the building and became a landlord.

They moved, but did she stop her troubles?


He said he was shocked one day when he returned from work and discovered that she fought with someone living in the building opposite theirs!

He told me that he didn’t even know that she used to leave their home, and walk over to the opposite building to gossip until the fateful fight broke out.

He said he was tired of quarrels, complaints, police stations and many other things.

He always ends his litany of woes, thus: “She’s my wife, mother of four kids, there’s nothing I can do.”

You that is complaining about your wife being bad in the kitchen, would you like to make an exchange with this guy?

What about wives that have hot pants?

Women who, no matter how much their husbands worship them, treat them like queens, and buy them the moon, will still be found meeting thrust for thrust under the lustful, sweaty bodies of other guys.

Do you want me to go on?

Let’s also not forget that as wives come with their faults, so also do husbands.

Some husbands are terrible in bed. Even teenage boys are better in bedmantic than they are.

They can’t make a woman wet, let alone come, no matter how hard they try!

The truth of the matter is that we can’t have it all. And if we do, we should give glory to God and if we don’t, we should make the best out of the situation and life.



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