The guy goes to his mistress place…balls her until she’s dizzy with pleasure…they roll on the four-poster bed like they’re bent on killing each other.

He’s panting…his mistress is panting…even the poor abused bed is panting…they wear stupid smiles of sexual satisfaction…the lovers could even go another round if not for the wall clock, frowning at them…yeah, time running late…he needs to be home.

When he gets home, he complains of being too tired to ball his legal wife. You probably think he’s kidding, but he’s not!

He tells her that he had had a tiring day at the office.

Yeah! Right! Office!…Ha!Ha! Ha!

The office has been used several times to cover a multitude of atrocities.

And for some men, who bothered to ball their legal wives after an imperial sexual encounter with the mistress, they ball like they want to get it over and done with!

Which is worst? For your husband to refuse to bang you, or for him to force his soldier to stand attention, force it to shoot half-heartedly, like a soldier who had rather been somewhere else, than at this current battlefront.

I don’t want either!

I just don’t get why such men spend so much time, indulging in foreplays with their mistress, yet when it comes to their wives; they balk at lavishing similar treatment on her!

Some of them will go down on their mistress, you know what I mean abi? Licking and sucking her honey well, like it’s an ambrosia until she comes, but will they do the same with their wives? No way!

And if the wife wants it?

Ha! It becomes an abomination in his village, a taboo!  He tells her he is an African man; he tells her it’s a taboo in his village, he tells her he’s a freaking born-again Christian! Booo!

What a load of crap!

Like she didn’t know you were a Christian before she got shackled to you for life? Give me a break!

Do tell us where it’s written in any of the holy books, that you can’t go down on your wife, show us where it says you get to give your mistress the best bang, cunnilingus of her life at every opportunity, and deny your wife of same.

It’s bad enough that you’re cheating on your wife, but to deny her sexual pleasure, that’s sacrilege! Yes, take that to the bank!

Yes, her conjugal rights, her right to foreplay, her right to good sex at any and every encounter with her husband damn it!

Stop all these fire brigades approach with your wife, this approach to sex is an ordeal, rather than a pleasure.

Stop making your wife have less sexual fun with you, when you and I know that you can give more, you can do better, your manhood can stand for as long as you want, and stop pretending that it’s tired, when it’s not!

The thing is a soldier, let it march to the legal war front and give us some actions abeg!

If you’ve been in the habit of sliding your semi-turgid one-eyed snake into her honey, whether she’s wet or not, you don’t give a crap and then you start pumping furiously to get it over with, please stop it! It’s so demeaning and humiliating!

Every woman wants to be desired…wanted…cherished…hungered for…

I want that, what about you?

Don’t give her sex like you’re doing her a favour…phew!

I just don’t understand why such men worry so much about whether they satisfied their mistresses after a hectic rump in bed but cared less about their wives’ sexual satisfaction after any football match.

When they pour forth, beginning with jerks and spasm rocking their bodies, they wouldn’t care whether the little wife reached orgasm or not, they wouldn’t even ask her if she was okay…

I can’t understand why such men feel it’s alright to get the wife with kids, then leave the kids’ upkeep to her, not minding whether she’s working or not.

Rather they take up the upkeep of the mistress with astonishing vigour, and if the mistress has children?

Wow! They take up her kids’ upkeep too, while their own kids rot, looking like beggars!

You’ll begin to hear such stupid men use phrases like “Your children” with their wives.

Suddenly, the kids have become the problem and worry of the wife.  They’re now. “Your children” not “Our children.”

Some insensitive men and husbands even begin to tell the innocent kids to “go and meet your mother”…like they didn’t have a thing to do with pouring water on the seed that germinated to form those children.

I just can’t get why the man tells his mistress so many lies about his wife, and kids and tells his wife zilch about his mistress.

Do you call that a cheap point? I absolutely agree with you!

Most guys wouldn’t want their wives to know they’re playing away matches.

But those are husbands that have their screws still sticking in the right holes.

Some husbands who have lost their marbles used to fling their extramarital affairs in the faces of their wives.

Did you just call such men scumbags?

Yes, sis…my sentiment exactly!

I just can’t get why most cheating husbands always end up with mistresses whom their wives are prettier than!

It beats me!

I mean, if a guy is going to cheat, one would think or expect him to date a stunningly pretty babe…a sex bomb…a sexually hard-to-resist walking bombshell! A traffic jam kind of babe if you know what I mean.

But rather you see them with women who have the faces of monkeys and bodies of gorillas!

I just don’t get it! It must be sex abi ke?

Wahalai! Sex is a big issue between spouses. Do you guys recollect the story I told you a few years back when I was still with The Sun Newspapers?

It was in the University, our friend, known for sampling and dating pretty girls, suddenly dropped his current beauty queen of a babe and took up with a babe that even now, I preferred to call a nondescript person…worst, the new babe had K leg, blessed with enough yam tissue! You needed to see her in a dress, dogs go bark!

I’m not trying to be rude, just factual.

You ought to see her pomo lips and big-sized teeth, yet our pal continued to die for her. If the babe asked him to bark like a big dog, you’d see him doing just that! She tells him to jump like a monkey, you’d surely see him jumping.

We couldn’t understand it and he refused to open up until I cornered him one day and he said: “Julie, that babe can wind a guy in bed to death! I wan dieee!”


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