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Eniola Adepoju In the last three decades, a substantial increase has been observed in the proportion of adolescents who engage in sexual activities while still in secondary school. It has been argued that dating among secondary school students can affect a child’s attention span in school and even lead to their grades plummet. It has been further argued that many of these boys and girls do not have the emotional shock absorbers to handle baggage that comes with dating. Miss Esther Fadayi, a senior secondary student (SS2), told our correspondent that she started dating when she was in SS1. She described the experience as ‘bad.’ She said: “It was a bad experience for me. I fell madly in love with my boyfriend and we dated for just three months. We later broke up due to some reasons. The break up affected me emotionally. I wasn’t able to concentrate in class and my studies suffered. I had to repeat SS1 and I also lost my virginity. It was too much for me. I think dating in secondary school has its good and bad sides. The good side is that you have a guy who will be close to you, and you can share your feelings with him. You have this feeling of being cherished and loved, and you both can study together. However, the bad side is that it can affect you. Most times, we get carried away while in class, thinking about the person we’re dating. It also leads to sex at an early age. The situation can be worse if the person you’re dating is in the same class with you. It makes us not pay attention to teachers in the class. In some cases, dating in secondary school doesn’t lead to sex; the couple may just be cool with being in a relationship. They just like doing things together, including studying.” According to a psychologist, Akin Gabriel, dating will be different when, “we define it with adults and with adolescents. Within adult dating, it could be considered a forum where two people can meet to interact, get to know more about each other, share emotions, both physical and emotional. It’s a sort of a courtship.” Gabriel stated that the purpose of such meeting within adults’ circles was to see if there is compatibility, and the possibility of later getting married. He further explained: “But with the adolescent, the definition may still remain the same, but the purpose may not be the same. Dating among adolescents is part of the process of psychological development. There are so many instances of it, and dating or relating, is a fundamental aspect of psychological development among individuals, and everything as timing.” He explained that beginning from ages 10 and 11, children begin to develop emotional feelings, but it may not necessarily lead to sex. He said: “They will also begin to express feelings. These are normal and it’s not necessarily sexual. It’s just a normal process of expression, and explaining of feelings. The major purpose at this particular period is to allow the individual to be mature in terms of tolerating each other. If the person is denied of this particular aspect of psychological development, this person may not be able to tolerate the opposite sex, may not be able to actually learn how to identify, as well as how to go through the emotional maturity that is required in every individual. To monitor his or her own emotions, and to understand how they relate and how to manage these emotions. It’s a very crucial aspect, maybe for some people; once you mention dating, they’ll say, ‘they’ve started to do nonsense.’ It may not necessarily be so. We shouldn’t look at everything as negative within these people. The key thing there of course, like in all processes involving young people, there’s a need for guidance from the adults who are also providing the sort of socialisation process for them by the guidance. The adolescent may start asking questions from parents. They may want to find out what that’s like; they ask questions like if there’s a boy or girl in my class, I like him or her. It doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything, that person is actually expressing a natural psychological process. By the time they may have begun to identify information within themselves as well as another person, what is expected from a parent is to ask them what they think about the girl or boy, then go further to ask if they had to be friends with the person. It can be the moment for the parent to begin to educate the adolescent about sex, and all the line that concerns development, especially psychological development.” The psychologist said such relationships might not necessarily lead to marriage or anything serious. “It’s actually a process of learning. If you remember very well in history, even till present day in some cultures, at that particular age, that we are calling underage here, is the age people back then used to allow their girls to get married. I don’t believe adolescents should get married. I believe adolescents, from ages 11, 12 or 13, as they develop this feeling, should be allowed under guidance, to manage their own emotions as well as the other party.” Mrs. Juliet Akpobo, 45, said that she started dating when she was in secondary school, but added that it had side effects. She recalled how stressful that dating period was for her, especially since she started in SS2. She said: “It happened when I was preparing for my Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) and West African Examinations Council (WAEC). I was quite foolish back then because I felt like love was going to make everything all right. My dating didn’t affect my education, and I was able to cope academically, but it had negative effects on my lifestyle. It changed people’s perceptions about me, and the teacher’s perception about me also changed. They felt I was unserious because I was dating. I didn’t lose my virginity while dating in secondary school. However, there were foreplays.” Experts said that there were many negative effects of dating during the pre-teen years. Some of the negative effects are poor academic performance, low educational aspirations, delinquency, sexual activity, depression and drug use. It has also been stated that dating in secondary school seemed to have a more positive effect. With greater emotional development and social skills, dating in later teen years can facilitate the development of personal identity and coping skills. Miss. Eniola Adepoju is 400Level student of Mass Communication, Oduduwa University, Ile Ife, Osun State First Published 2022.

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