By Juliana Francis
Is it possible to be married to another yet can’t live without another?
That was the question a friend posted on Facebook and the answers were tremendous. I’ve been following her steadily on Facebook and I like her gut. She’s beautiful and daring. I like daring babes. I like Ivy Kanu. Period!
But I have an issue with, ‘yet can’t live without another?’
Really, is there a babe or guy who can’t live without another person? I doubt it.
But people like being melodramatic.
Anyway, back to the question of the day and answer of the day.
This is my response to her: “Life is complicated. Love is complicated. Marriage is complicated. Emotions are complicated. To make a good marriage, a guy or lady sometimes marries the person they are compatible with. Love is not necessarily the bedrock of a successful marriage. This is why you find couple who are like Romeo and Juliet while dating, becomes Mike Tyson and Evander Holifield after marriage. The lady will have black eye today and the guy bite marks tomorrow.”
And I meant what I said.
I have a male friend who told me that he’s in love with two ladies. He was the person who made me to understand that you don’t necessarily have to marry someone you love. Sometimes people marry someone they’re compatible with.
A couple who is compatible and patient can learn to love each other. But there are many who love like mad, go into marriage and soon rush out. They seemingly fall out of love for reasons no one can understand once they marry their heartthrobs.
A major reason most couples fall out of love after marriage is probably because they fail to face reality. Many want to live in the myth and unrealities that characterise novel life. They want to romanticise life, but you can’t. Reality is harsh and hurtful. It’s a life you need to make many adjustments and tolerance in order to enjoy.
Another thing is that loving someone else and being married to another doesn’t mean that the lovebirds will start balling like their very lives depended on it.
I don’t understand why people think that love is always characterised by sex.
Does it mean we can’t love a guy or babe without balling the person?
Loving another babe/guy while married to another abounds in societies, not just Nigeria.
This situation most times gives birth to secret lovers. The truth however is that someone can love you and simply become your guardian angel.
Yes, with no strings attached!
Do you think an impotent man can’t love? He can! You think a frigid babe can’t fall in love? She can!
My thing however is that if you think you’re in love with someone who is not your husband/wife, there’s no sense embarking on sexual relationship with him/her.
The question you should ask yourself is this: where the heck is the sex leading to?
Do you just want to have sex with him/her for the fun of it?
Oh, she said it’s an expression of her love. I’ll buy that, but I don’t have to like it. God! The silly and idiotic things we do in the name of love.
When we’re dating as youngsters, we allow our sexual adneralins to control us. We ball like youngsters, but there’s a belief, hope and sometimes expectations from such balling.
You’re hopeful it will metamorphose into something serious. Something like, ‘forever after.’
When it doesn’t, you accept ‘the end of the road’ with stoicism, while you tell yourself that you both sexually enjoyed each other.
I don’t belong to the school that says the guy ‘banged me.’ The truth is that ‘we banged each other and damn well enjoyed it!’
It’s when you take that martyr outlook that he banged you and now wants to leave you high and dry, that you become distraught and likely end up hurting yourself. A babe or guy walking out of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world.
Written in 2014.
