Being a single parent doesn’t mean you should close the door to love. You still deserve a second chance, someone to cherish you, a confidante who truly understands you.
Take, for example, a man who married a single mother with a little boy, about three or four years old at the time.
This man raised the child as his own, sponsored his education all the way to university, and gave him a meaningful life.
Then one day, the mother decided her son “deserved to know the truth,” that he had a biological father.
That revelation came far too late. By then, the boy already saw his mother’s husband as his only father.
A story I heard made me so angry: A man raised his wife’s son with love and sacrifice, only for the mother to later announce that he wasn’t the boy’s “real” father.
She even promised to take him to meet his biological dad.
Confused and heartbroken, the boy left home for a while. When he returned, he confronted his mother:
“All this while, you knew he wasn’t my biological father? Has he ever mistreated me? Has he ever been mean to me? Why are you telling me this now? I don’t have any other father. This is the man I know, and I’ll keep bearing his name. If you want to leave, leave, but I won’t leave him.”
He went on: “Giving birth doesn’t make someone a parent. A parent is the one who stays, loves, and runs around for you when you’re sick or in trouble. That’s the man I know.”
Sadly, the mother later accused the stepfather of turning the boy against her. The boy, crushed by the emotional turmoil, eventually took his own life.
He died disowning his mother.
Another story: A man married a woman who already had a daughter. He trained the girl, supported her through school, and she blossomed into a beautiful, intelligent young woman.
When a wealthy young suitor came for her hand, her long-lost biological father suddenly reappeared, after abandoning her since birth.
He tried to bully his way back, even using soldiers and police to intimidate the adoptive father, clearly hoping to bask in the glory of his daughter’s success.
But when she arrived with her suitor, she turned to her biological father and said, “Yes, you may be my biological father, but you’re not my dad. My adoptive father made me who I am today.”
In the end, her suitor had to perform traditional rites in both men’s homes, just to keep the peace.
I will never understand men who reject pregnancies, abandon their children, and resurface only when those children become rich or famous.
Some even demanded abortions when the babies were conceived! Yet, when success comes, they suddenly claim ownership.
Life is unpredictable; today’s unwanted child could be tomorrow’s leader, pastor, or president. If you don’t want to be a parent, don’t show up later to reap where you didn’t sow. A true parent isn’t the one who gave birth but the one who stayed and loved.
This same problem exists on the other side, too, when mothers remarry and treat their stepchildren poorly while doting on their biological kids.
Take Madam Ogechi, an Igbo woman I knew as a customer. She had a child before remarrying.
When she remarried, her husband refused to sponsor her daughter’s education.
He focused only on his children, so Ogechi took up the burden herself. Luckily, a lecturer noticed her daughter’s brilliance and sponsored her abroad to finish school.
Years later, when Ogechi’s husband fell seriously ill, his own children fought over who should pay or not to pay the hospital bills.
They were bickering over payment like cat and mouse. Nobody wanted to pay.
Meanwhile, the girl he had rejected stood by him. She called often, checked on him, and sent money, sometimes as much as ₦300,000 at a time.
One day, the man broke down in tears, realising that the daughter he never wanted was the one caring for him, while his biological children turned their backs.
It reminds me of a saying: Sometimes it isn’t the children we give birth to who care for us in old age.
I also remember a woman in my secondary school days. She never had biological children, but at her funeral, people lined up with testimonies: “She helped me,” “She sent me back to school.” Love, not blood, was her legacy.
Parents, especially single mothers and fathers, when you remarry, remember: you’ve become one family. Don’t discriminate once your own biological children arrive.
Don’t give the best meals to yours and scraps to the others. Don’t say, “She’s not my child, take her to her mother,” especially when the mother is dead.
Some even go as far as poisoning stepchildren. Why? You knew the man or woman came with children before you married them. Why turn against the innocent child?
I once heard of a woman who repeatedly poisoned her stepdaughter. The girl survived every attempt and later became the one to take that same woman abroad.
When the woman confessed, the girl simply said, “I knew. I even saw you pouring it in. I ate it anyway because I was tired of life. But nothing happened to me.”
Perhaps her late mother’s spirit never stopped protecting her.
At the end of the day, parenting isn’t about biology. It’s about love, presence, and sacrifice.
