By Joseph Agumagu ( Post graduate student, Nigerian Institute of Journalism, on internship with New Telegraph Newspaper)
Many relationships between the opposite sex in Nigerian families today, like the proverbial handshake, have gone beyond the elbow.
Our collective sensibilities are assaulted regularly with reports of fathers having sex with their daughters or brothers and sisters having sex with each other.
Some are cases of rape, while others are purely consensual. No day passes without a case of incest- reported across the country.
A close female friend of mine, Funke Obaloluwa (real name withheld), once recounted her experience with her brother to me when they were both very young.
She said: “I woke up suddenly to feel the hand of my blood brother all over me, fondling my body in the middle of the night. We had slept on the same bed because of space constraint. I yanked his hand off me and cautioned him. Of course, that brought him to his senses. He apologized the next morning, and told me he thought he was in the same bed with one of his numerous girlfriends.”
Unlike Funke, many others out there, under different circumstances, have fallen for this and engaged in the abominable act.
A story was also told in my church of a medical doctor and his wife, who were too busy with their career to spend time with their two children, depending on the house-help to do so for them.
One fateful day, the doctor rushed back home unexpectedly from office to pick something, only to find the house-help and her boyfriend naked in the sitting room. The doctor’s only son and daughter were also naked, having sex on the couch while an adult film was playing on TV. They were obviously practicing what they were watching on TV.
Efforts made to make the children see reasons and discontinue their incestuous relationship fell on deaf ears completely.
They eventually eloped, leaving their parents heartbroken. At last, the medical doctor had a heart attack and died, and his wife was confined in a wheel chair as a result of stroke.
The causes…
Sleeping with your close relative is like a cube of sugar laced with poison
The unfettered access the internet provides many young boys and girls today to view ex-rated contents is scaring and alarming.
Our cultural values have been dampened or eroded by this. Naïve, hormone-pumping, and in a moment of unguarded emotion(s), these adventurous youths are eager to experiment what they see on TV and social media.
Their partners or victims are often close relatives whom they live with under the same roof. These atrocities are sometime kept for so long from unsuspecting parents, who are too busy chasing the mundane at the expense of other weightier matters, like building strong moral values, to smell a rat.
It should be noted that incest hinges more on psychological factor than emotional attraction. But genetic factor has been mentioned as another cause of incest. Genetic attraction occurs when relatives, who have been separated for a long time, reunite for the first time and igniting overwhelming emotional attraction in them; if this intense emotion is not properly managed, caution can be thrown to the wind and the unthinkable can happen. I mean this can lead to incestuous relationship. Pronto!
The get-rich-quick syndrome among young boys and girls today can also compel them to engage in incest as part of the ritual for quick cash.
Peer pressure is another factor that can lead to incest. Young boys and girls influence one another a lot especially, when they are under an impressionable age. For example, having a close friend who had been engaging in incest can influence another teenager to engage in same if the former wields undue influence on the latter.
Some house-helps are bad influences in the family. Some have successfully polluted the minds of many children in families, exposing children to sex too early in life.
The effects on the society…
Incestuous relationships can lead to unwanted pregnancy in teenagers with far reaching consequences. Even if it does not result to unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can be contracted by engaging in it.
Incest can permanently ruin relationships and destroy homes. Many families are fractured already today because cases of incest are kept as top secret.
Children who experienced incest through rape can become withdrawn, rebellious and disrespectful. Some become violent, trying to take it out on the society. Some even go as far as attempting suicide.
Teenagers who grew up being abused by closed relatives end up abusing others, too. For some, it may be out of ignorance, for others, it is sheer revenge. If it continues, it can become a dangerous cycle that can ravage a society.
The way out…
When your principles seem to be demanding incest, clearly it’s time to check your premises.
It is important we start by establishing the fact that incest is a sin before God and humanity. No sane society will subscribe to incest as a way of life. It is an act that has been condemned in the Holy Books and in most cultures in Nigeria. Therefore, sleeping with your daughter, son or close relative is like a sugar pill laced with deadly poison.
However, the biggest challenge is that most cases of incest in families are shrouded in secrecy. The first step in addressing this disturbing issue is for us to learn to speak out and ask for help.
Instead of allowing the wounds in our hearts to fester and become gangrene, let’s speak out; physical, spiritual, emotional and professional help can only be sought when we speak out.
Some experts have pointed out that the judicial system has a lot to do in curbing or eradicating this act. They affirmed that some incest cases that go to court are not given enough and quick judgment, leaving the victim frustrated; after a while, the culprit goes home feeling untouched and indirectly vindicated.
That mothers have become breadwinners of the family today, due to increasing economic challenges, shouldn’t be an excuse for ignorance and the carelessness that come with career achievements.
The achievement and accolades may heap up at work, but we should remember that when the job is finished, the family begins. The busy schedule of parents should be re-addressed.
Parents should, therefore, spend more time with their children; monitor their feelings; and watch intently their attitudes towards fellow siblings.
Youths should feed their minds on quality information not on junks from the media. Remember that whatsoever controls the mind, controls you. Your action is a product of thought. And your actions will either make or ruin you. Therefore, guard your mind with all earnestness.
All hands must be on deck to curb this menace: the government, media, NGOs, religious homes, schools and individuals must come together to collaborate in order to address the issue of incest in Nigeria. Let’s be our bothers keeper, keeping our eyes on one another always.
Let the walls that separate us crumple so that we can develop healthy relationships that will engender good communication and free flow of information.
That promiscuous girl on your street may be an incest survivor. That nice boy or girl in your class, church or mosque can be a serial perpetrator. Until we get close to them, we can never know. Above all, let’s the stigmatization stop at once because it promotes secrecy.
First Published 2017
