By Juliana Francis
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Yes oh! That’s me laughing my head off…police personnel in Nigeria are a very funny lot.
There’s nothing you do which doesn’t have or can’t be construed to be an offence.
Don’t dare a policeman!
I remembered an incident; let me quickly share it with you guys.
So this journalist went to a club with his babe. Just like that, they wanted to have it…right there and then…that incredible uncontrollable sexual hunger.
Have you ever experienced it?
Who can understand the whims and caprices of passion? Once it grips you, you want to satisfy it. It can make the strongest of being to become a fool.
Oh, passion is difficult to control, especially if you’re with the right guy or babe.
Somebody you so much want to tango with. Somebody whose sexual chemistry is titrating comparatively well with the chemical components of your sexual hormones.
It’s because of passion that many people end up having sex without a condom and when the result comes out in a few months’ time, they begin to cry…crying like they didn’t know banging without a condom has consequences.
Anyway, agro caught the two lovebirds unaware. They went into the car to smooch…like smooching could stem passion… a fat chance of that happening!
You and I know that smooching can only heighten the sexual needs, building the passion to a powerful crescendo…increasing the ocean in the babe’s fortress…while making the guy’s soldier be at attention, with veins and all that standing on end.
Kissing makes the body throb in need…it makes the blood boil and the heartbeat pump erratically in sexual expectations.
Except of course, the babe wants to suckle the soldier’s head to submission…or the guy wants to finger the babe’s nub to sharp relief…
I agree that might help…but don’t you ever go fooling yourself that smooching will give you both relief! Nay!
Anyway, the journalist and his babe got caught in the grip of agro…they left the club and went into their car. After driving for a while, they stopped somewhere around the Mangoro area, to give way to their feelings.
It was past midnight…they certainly were not expecting anybody, let alone the flashing torches of curious and suspicious policemen, with their faces pressed hard against the slightly windup windscreens.
Oh Yes, you certainly got the picture…perhaps it was the moaning in the car that alerted the policemen or something else…Juliana Francis doesn’t know.
The bottom line was that policemen approached the car, and started flashing their torches like crazy.
Our journalist friend tried to tuck his marauding snake into his pulled-down trouser, while his babe fought to hide two peeping nipples back into her brassieres.
Needless to say, the policemen got an eyeful. The lovers’ eyes were as round as saucers…surprised…shocked…embarrassed?
They looked like two kids caught playing naughty adult games!
The cops slammed the lovers with…get ready for it, I’m already laughing…Ha!Ha!Ha!…yes, oh gosh! They slammed them with conduct likely to cause a breach of peace!
Breach of peace ke? Na wetin be that one?
As if that was not enough, they added, “…causing a public nuisance.”
Kai, Nigerian policemen sure do know how to trump up charges.
The way they used to come up with these charges, you’d think they too don’t fondle in cars.
We all do it, don’t we? We must all have done it at a point in time, abi?
Why, if you check well, you might discover that a good number of policemen had banged in cars!
I don’t have anything against romancing in a car, but to bang…forget it!
Don’t like it for the simple reason that a car will hamper my ‘bodily and leggily movement.’
Imagine how cramped it will be, when you feel the passion begins to build and you want to throw your legs to angle 90, for better entry of the guy’s JT.
It can be frustrating, I tell you!
So, no sex in car for me, thank you!
Yeah, I draw a line there.
So many people get into their cars and feel they’re in a world of their own. They want to do anything and everything in the car.
Some of them are perverts! Yes, take that to the banks!
Do you guys still remember the story I told you about my friend Faith?
She works in Ikeja. Closing time is usually rush hour. Rush hours mean a scarcity of commercial buses…
This car pulled up in front of her, and asked where she was heading…bingo, Iyano-Ipaja…they were both heading towards the same direction.
The guy turned out to be a pastor. His car contained a giant bible…it made Faith relax…Yes, ladies always feel safe with men of God.
They are like teddy bears…you can tell them anything….
But this pastor turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing…he had not driven too far when he started trying to slide his slimy right fingers under my friend’s skirt while fighting to control the steering with one hand…Haba pastor!
There’re so many of them…perverts!
Some of them will ask for a blowjob even while they are in motion…you look shocked? Don’t be!
When they ask for such yeye blowjob, don’t even try it!
Give who blowjob?…you dey mad?…just because the guy has an appointment with accident, doesn’t mean you have to accompany him to keep the appointment!
Let him take his impatient cock somewhere else to look for an indifferent vagina.
Imagine there’s an accident, and both of you die and go to meet Baba God…how will you ever be able to look Baba God in the face and tell him that you died in accident because your lover or a total stranger lost control as you were giving him blowjob, while he was driving….how?
A lot of men now check out cars they want to buy, with an idea of how they will accommodate during sex.
I remember when some policemen arrested a pastor at the third mainland bridge, after midnight…he was banging a church member in his car…on top of the bridge no less! Nawa O!
A police friend of mine told me that they became suspicious that something funny was going on; when they noticed that the car for no reason was dancing makossa.
Turned out the pastor was pumping the woman in the car’s back seat like there was no tomorrow.
They slammed him with…Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes, conduct likely to cause a breach of peace…or was it constituting public nuisance?
Abeg, Mr. Policeman, take it easy….you too dey do…
Go after the robbers and criminals and leave these lovers…
Maybe the lovers don’t want to pay for a hotel…so what? Maybe the guy is married, so his car is handy….and let’s not forget cheap too.
Check it out, many guys that embark on sex in cars, are married!… I’m ready to argue it till my face turns blue…are you ready to argue with me?
