No erection for my wife

Men are such weird creatures.

I used to think women are the weirdest creatures. But the older I get, the more I get to hear and listen to crazy incidents about men.

You know what?

I’m a good girl. I’ve always been. This is why many people use me as a sounding board.

They talk and expect me to listen, and I do listen.

So, I listened to my friend Lagbaja as he told me about his wife. His marriage is not even 10 years. But his young wife has given him two lovely kids: a boy and a girl.

They live in Port Harcourt. But he came to Lagos State to work on the instructions of his company.

The company is in the marine business.

He was already four months in Lagos, and I was beginning to worry about his young wife.

You no say agro sabi hold young men and women pass

Life has taught me to be distrustful of marriages where husband and wife are far away from each other.

I’ll never encourage my worst enemy to venture into that sort of marriage.

I hate it!

I called him:

“Lagbaja, are you hearing from your young wife?”

“Yes naaa…why you dey ask?”

“You dey here dey bang different women every day, who dey bang your wife?”

“She don born naaa, wetin she want again?”

“Shooo! But you married a lady who you senior 100 times because you want her to born for you? She’s still young. Why not allow her to come to visit you for Lagos and go back?”

“I don’t want!” said Lagbaja. “She don say she want come, but I said no.”

“I don’t understand you…”

“Make I tell you the truth my sister, my body no dey move for her again.”

“But your body dey move for other women?”

“Yes! If I dey with my wife, its like I dey with my sister. In short, we don become brother and sister. My prick no dey gree nod again for her.”

“But why naaa? Wetin happen?” I asked, genuinely puzzled and worried.

Then he gave me a dumb response.

“Her breasts don fall! I like women with firm boobs. Breasts wey stand na him dey make my body move.”

I was shocked and angry.

He’s like a birthday kid’; ate his cake and later asked for it. You just can’t have it both ways, bros.

I don’t understand Lagbaja. But if truth be told, he’s just like hundreds, if not thousands of men out there.

He married the lady when she was just in her early twenties. He was in his mid-forties then.

I remembered wondering what the heck the lady saw in Lagbaja.

But life is all about different strokes for different folks. One man’s macaroni is another guy’s worm.

If there should be anyone complaining in that marriage, it should be the young lady, whom I’m sure still has a bucketful of sexual adrenalin, rearing to be satisfied.

When he got married to her, she was young, attractive, and blessed with well-rounded, firm boobs.

Although I must confess that she’s not a looker. I’ve not seen her for long. Perhaps marriage may have given her a makeover.

When she came into his home, she came with nothing, except her humble self.

But today, she rides a lovely car, and has tons of lovely clothes, shoes, and astonishing numbers of jewelry courtesy of Lagbaja.

God knows I’m envious. Yeah, I’m just a woman.

Blood dey flow for my bodi, nobi only water!

Yes, you can’t fault Lagbaja when it comes to taking care of a woman, but when it comes to philandering, he takes the trophy!

I don’t think what he’s doing to his young wife is right. Aside from his two kids, he was the local champion, lord of the ring, Olori Oko, who devoured those juicy and jutting oranges on his wife’s chest, before they became flattened.

Before those stubborn boobs used to stare unflinchingly into the eyes of brave men, causing them to shiver in anticipated hunger and surrender.

Now, they have become well-suckled and stare down in defeated embarrassment.

Where the heck did he get the idea that a woman with saggy boobs can’t bang like those with firm boobs?

Everything has to do with the state of the man’s mind.

I’ve always told my kid sister, Glory, that Lagbaja is like a child in a candy store. He wants to have all the candies. He’s seeking something elusive, something I can’t put my finger on.

A mature guy should know before going into marriage, that someday, his wife’s boobs, no matter how firm they looked and felt, will bow down someday soon.

Is it so difficult to understand?

Who can cheat nature?

Life will always take its natural course. You can’t bend it. We want to be young forever, but we can’t!

If you’re out there and you’re treating your wife the way Lagbaja treats does to his, you should know it’s unfair!

While Lagbaja is banging away his life, his poor wife is probably dying of sexual hunger.

What she’s supposed to do about it?

Masturbate? Use a vibrator or pick a lover?

What do you think Lagbaja, who is the root cause of her predicament will do when he discovers she’s cheating?

Feel slighted? Bruised ego or what?

I really don’t know, and I want to.

If he forgives masturbation and the use of a vibrator, will he forgive her for taking a lover?

This is what angers me most in men.

Why would any guy in his right sense create a situation, which will make it easier for his wife to cheat on him? Pushing her into the arms of another guy.

Is a guy, husband not supposed to do everything and anything within his power to ensure that his wife doesn’t so much as glance at another guy, let alone sniff at his balls?

In Africa and Nigeria in particular, cheating men are never frowned on.

So Lagbaja can continue to cheat on his wife, and nobody gives a hoot. But my thing is this: He should stop starving his wife.

For how long will a guy continue to run away from fulfilling his conjugal right to his wife, just because her boobs have sagged?

As a husband, if you’re so keen on firm boobs, I guess the least you can do is to take your wife for a boobs enhancement job.

I’ve told you guys about the old man who used to date young girls. Girls whom his last daughter is even older than. It was so bad that he stopped making love to his wife.

Amongst all his kids, the last daughter is the apple of his eyes. They were like two peas in a pod.

She knew her popsie was cheating big time on momsie.

She asked him why he was particularly interested in young girls and why he was treating her mother thus.

He said he couldn’t help himself. He told her that his wife’s boobs have sagged.

He’s like my friend Lagbaja, whose erection comes just by looking at firm boobs.

One day he received a frantic call from his wife. His last daughter, his blue-eyed girl has been rushed to the hospital. There were fears she might die.

When he reached the hospital, he was told before he entered the girl’s ward that she had an unsafe abortion.

Who would dare have sex with such a child? He wondered in shock. She was so young.

The mother said she had tried all she could, but the girl refused to mention the name of the guy who got her pregnant.

The man left his wife and other kids in the waiting room and hurried into the ward he was directed.

He barged into the private ward and came to a shocking stand. He saw an old man, quite older than him, kissing his daughter, who was hanging on him as if her life depended on him.

The old man was whispering: “I’m sorry darling! I promised to make it up to you. I love you! I love you!”

The father gave a strangled gasp…his eyes became round as saucers as realisation dawned on him.

His gasp attracted the lovers on the bed and three pairs of eyes clashed in shock.

Guess what happened next.

Let me know if you’re interested in knowing what happened next…