By Juliana Francis
In Nigeria, when a guy proposes to a lady and she accepts, they are automatically engaged. The newly engaged couple and members of their families begin to look forward to the great day, the wedding day.
Right from the moment the guy tells his family members that he had proposed, and the lady accepted, his family begins to call her, “Iyawo waa.”
Iyawo waa is a Yoruba term, meaning, and “our wife.”
Today, every tribe in Nigeria calls the prospective bride “Iyawo waa.”
Today, the term has become so bastardised, to the extent of attracting elements and features of fraud.
Today also, the word no longer has any atom of seriousness attached to it. The guy and lady can ball for ages without serious intentions towards each other. But family members will still call her Iyawo waa. When they get tired of balling each other, they go to the crossroad, kiss goodbye, and sashay to another partner.
An average Nigerian lady, who wishes to be married, would begin to smile like an idiot whenever the guy’s family calls her, “Iyawo waa.”
The term naturally makes her feel wanted, cherished, and at home. She thinks she has found a husband. Little does she know that it means nothing these days.
These days, even couples who are not interested in marrying each other, but are balling each other for fun, are addressed by their family and friends as ‘Iyawo waa’ and ‘Oko waa.’ Oko waa means ‘Our husband.’
It’s all well and good if the couple understands that there’s not going to be any tying of the nuptial knot between them.
Many ladies and men are balling each like craze these days without strings attached. There’s that understanding between them that they are just sexual partners, never likely ever going to walk down the aisle. They understand what they are doing. Nobody is fooling or deceiving anybody.
But the deceit I detest in the term ‘Iyawo waa,’ is a false hope, planted in the mind of the lady by the guy’s family members, friends, and the guy himself.
These days, couples no longer get betrothed before the lady is called ‘Iyawo waa.’ They only need to fancy each other, hit the sack, and start banging like a craze.
By the time they ball each other twice and are seen by people repeatedly, they begin to call the lady ‘Iyawo waa’ or ‘Iyawoee’ (Your wife).
I can no longer stomach the fraud in the term ‘Iyawo waa.’
It’s now being used to deceive, cheat, hoodwink and fool thousands of ladies.
Sometimes, a lady would have gotten used to being called Iyawo waa for eight years by her lover’s family, then the guy would tell her that he was not going to marry her.
Some guys would tell the babe after 10 years of being called Iyawo waa, that she wasn’t their type.
Some guys would tell the babe after 11 years of being called Iyawo waa, that their mummy doesn’t like her. They’ll tell her that their parents don’t like people from their state or village. They’ll tell the babes that their hands are tied or such rubbish!
All those years she was being called Iyawo waa, the guy was probably fooling her. Really, how many years does it take to know whether you want to marry a particular girl or not?
He has browsed her net for several years. He has suckled and pressed her boobs to the extent they were almost as flat as pancakes. Now, he suddenly doesn’t want to marry her.
I don’t even want to talk about the abortions she might have done whenever he tells her, “Darling, we’re not just ready for a baby now. Let’s have our wedding first. I’m not ready for it. We got to plan toward all these. Let’s not rush things.”
The most hurtful part of being called Iyawo waa, is the stupidity of buying things for almost all the guy’s siblings because she believes they are now her siblings. After all, once they get married, his brothers and sisters become her brothers and sisters.
Naturally, she was always the first to rush to his eldest sister’s home whenever the woman was celebrating something and needed people to cook, wash and serve guests. She usually works more at such events and probably spends more. She gives her all, just because she believes she has found a husband. She does all these because that’s what the traditional African marriage systems demand. She’s not just marrying the guy; she’s marrying his family.
Even though the guy may have told his family members that he wasn’t going to marry her, they still go on fueling her false hope, calling her ‘Iyawo waa.’
Some siblings of the guy get to know where she works. They make a habit of going to visit her there, making a nuisance of themselves. They just want to collect money from her. Those returning to school still demand money from her. They want to mark birthdays and naming ceremonies; they ensure her pocket bleeds.
She doesn’t mind how much she spends because she believes it’s all for good causes.
The height of it is the parents of the guy, also deepening this deceit.
You’re bad papa and mama!
If you’ve been seeing your son with a lady, especially a mature one for close to six months and counting, as parents, you should ask him his intention towards her.
If he’s not going to marry her, it’s the parents’ duty to urge their son to tell her the truth.
